Having the person you let go of come back to you can make you feel unsure about everything you were certain of a minute ago. And if it were a few years ago even, you could have been seduced by the romance of it, by the suddenness, the conversation or the lack of it. Give it meaning that it may not have had. Colour in. Soften. Blur. To feel whole, to feel that abandon you need to love. That was a few years ago and what is now? You don’t know just yet.
What if we got outside ourselves and there
really was an outside out there, not just
our insides turned inside out? What if there
really were a you beyond me, not just
the waves off my own fire, like those waves off
the backyard grill you can see the next yard through,
though not well — just enough to know that off
to the right belongs to someone else, not you.
What if, when we said I love you, there were
a you to love as there is a yard beyond
to walk past the grill and get to? To endure
the endless walk through the self, knowing through a bond
that has no basis (for ourselves are all we know)
is altruism: not giving, but coming to know
someone is there through the wavy vision
of the self’s heat, love become a decision.