L., I spoke to you of balance because I am afraid of rushing headlong though this is not without its intoxication. Even as a child, I was self-contained and then I felt no mastery in this but in later years, particularly in my early twenties, I developed an arrogance I never knew I possessed and I fortified myself with it.

So yes, when my heart beats quicker and I’m brimming with joy and then I’m impatient and when that evaporates, afraid, yes, all of this unsettles me terribly. Though fear is giving way to joy even as I write to you.

You will be amused. You will not help. But I wish you were here all the same.

And because I am aware of just how ridiculous this whole damn business is, let’s make fun of me with flair.

Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
The crystal goblet and the wine…
-Jacques Crickillon

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general’s head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman’s tea cup.
But don’t worry, I’m not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and – somehow – the wine.